www.physlink.com/fun has some great science humor. Check out this poem below by a neurobiologist making fun of physicists:
(Cartoons Courtesy of www.physlink.com/fun)
The Fate of the Universe
also from www.physlink.com/fun
a poem by Leslie C. McKinney, Ph.D
You physicists have become annoying
You can't seem to make up your minds
Did everything come from nothing
Or was nothing all there was to find?
What was that first singularity
And what made it start to inflate?
You say a vacuum is not really empty
As long as energy potentiates?
At time zero there was zero space
But fluctuation took care of that
Now there's space of an ill-defined shape
That's full of live/dead cats.
Continuing on you tell us
That we're here cause CP ain't conserved
I never thought of myself as a leftover
This is becoming absurd.
But the universe is here now
At least part of it, I guess,
How is it you can't find the dark matter
To account for the missing mass?
And what is this dark energy
Permeating like a fog?
Einstein was shamed by his fudge factor
But you've brought it back in vogue.
The news from Canada is distressing
There are too few neutrinos from the sun
But physicists aren't constrained by facts
They'll make three neutrinos from one.
So the Standard Model is in danger
It's time for a paradigm shift,
Well paradigm shift, shmaradigm pfffft,
Will you guys please get over it.
Any idea how the story will end?
Big crunch, cold death, lost souls?
Or a slipper slide to a new universe
Through a slimy little worm hole?
Which confirms my general suspicion
That reality is just theory for this bunch
Waves are particles, particles are strings,
And the universe is the ultimate free lunch.
Leslie C. McKinney, Ph.D.
Neurobiologist
copyright 2001
Another one of my favorites is:
In today's class, we'll be exploring the following principles:
First, the Pythagorean theorem. Second, the reciprocal relationship
between sine and cosine. And third, logarithmic functions and how they relate to me not having a damn clue what I've just said.
Now, if you'll take out a sheet of graph paper, I'll show you exactly how screwed I am.
Let us begin by plotting the x- and y-axis. What we
have here is what is known as the Cartesian plane or, as you'll soon
refer to it, The Moment I Realized Mr. Weinback Was A Complete And
Utter Fraud. The parabolic curve I've haphazardly thrown up on the
board, this is a mathematical constant, and it gives me a few extra
seconds of stalling before I need to panic. Please also note the points
I've tried graphing along our curve. These represent the fact that I
probably shouldn't be teaching this course.
Everyone with me so far? Good. Me neither.
Limericks began in Limerick City, Ireland
There was an old lady called Wright,
Who could travel much faster than light,
She departed one day in a relative way and returned on the previous night.
A Short History of Medicine
I have an earache:
2000 B.C. -Here, eat this root.
1000 A.D. -That root is heathen. Here, say this prayer.
1850 A.D. -That prayer is superstition. Here, drink this potion.
1940 A.D. -That potion is snake oil. Here, swallow this pill.
1985 A.D. -That pill is ineffective. Here, take this antibiotic.
2000 A.D . -That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root.
Quotables
Copernicus'
parents : "Copernicus, young man, when are you going to come to terms
with the fact that the world does not revolve around you?"
Physicist : Anything that doesn't matter has no mass.
Cricketer Navjot Singh Sidhu adds: It's all about mind and matter; I don't mind and you don't matter.
A biologist is only a lab rat's way of making another lab rat .
- Random Rat
Sigh-ence
The transplant had finally started.
The incision was carefully charted.
The dog was just sliced,
And the chicken was spliced,
And the dog is now chicken-hearted.
Q: How many physicists specializing in general relativity does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to hold the bulb and one to rotate the universe.
A little neurological put down: You've only got two neurons--and one of them's inhibitory.
Newsflash:
Physicists have embarked on their own product safety campaign,
recommending that manufacturers provide consumers with all of the
following labels:
WARNING: Due to its heavy mass, this product
warps the space surrounding it. No health hazards are yet known to be
associated with effect.
NOTE: This product may actually be
nine-dimensional but, if this is the case, functionality is not
affected by the extra six dimensions.
NOTE: A subatomic "glue" holds
the fundamental constituents of this product together. Since the exact
nature of this glue is not yet fully understood, its adhesive power
cannot be guaranteed. To date, no known malfunction of the product has
resulted from glue failure.
What do biologists do when they have twins?
Baptize one and keep the other as a control.
Q: Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
A: Chickens hadn't evolved yet.
Support bacteria - it's the only culture some people have!
Q: What tool is used to measure a hole in the head?
A: A Phineas gage.
