Want a real Halloween nightmare? Imagine filling your child's too-small bucket in the first three houses and going home with only a small slice of your kid's potential rake. But if you allow your little monster (or in my case, blue whale with pink and purple barnacles), to carry a big bag, you should be prepared to spend the hours and hours (and hours) needed to fill it.
Bad news: there are nightmares on both ends of the bag guesstimation spectrum.
• T= Total time in hours you plan to spend trick-or-treating
• A= Trick-or-treater's age. If over 20 (or below zero...), shame on you. You're stealing my kid's goodies.
• Hc= Hours spent on costume. If store-bought translate into hours at $20/hr.
• Pd= Population density in trick-or-treat neighborhood. Enter 1 for "rural", 2 for "open suburban", 3 for "tight suburban", or 4 for "Apt or dorm"
• Ma= Estimated median age in neighborhood. For comparison, median age in the Gaza Strip is about 15 and in Japan about 41.
• X= Your child's ineffable, illogical, but very real lust for candy. Enter 1-10 with 10 being "has strategized since last Halloween"
Interpretation Key:
If Bckt is less than 1, your pockets are more than enough
If 1<Bckt<7, use small-size, plastic jack-'o-lantern bucket
If 7<Bckt<15, use the standard trick-or-treating bucket
If 15<Bckt<25, use a grocery bag
If 25<Bckt, use a trash bag
If you'd like the live version, I'm Skyping into Good Day Sacramento on Saturday morning at 6:40am PST to explain this revolutionary scientific breakthrough in person. (I'm sure they'll post vid online.)
--Notice the outstanding Halloween colors of Brain Candy: Science, Puzzles, Paradoxes, Logic and Illogic to Nourish Your Neurons
--Twitter: @garthsundem
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