Go here for Part 1

Here's how I roll: my wife loves three-dollar bagels from the Sunday farmers' market. And so she says, "let's get a loaf of bread, some flowers, and a flat of strawberries!"

When we roll home with only bagels, I feel I've won. No more. I've armed myself with the tools of illogic, thus guaranteeing I win every marital argument from this point forward.

You can too.

Use the following brain-deflating fallacies to ensure dominance in debate club and/or with unsuspecting significant other.

• Denying the Antecedent: If x, then y. Not x. Therefore not y—"If I had fudge on my chin, you'd know I bogarted the very last of the jamocha almond fudge. Do you see said fudge? No. Thus am I exonerated!"

• Disjunctive Fallacy: X and/or y. Not x. Therefore not y—"So, I see you accuse both me and the dog. But in fact the dog is allergic to chocolate! Thus am I exonerated!"

• Division Fallacy: assuming that all individuals posses characteristics of the group (this is stereotypical stereotyping)——"It's in the nature of a middle-aged woman to bogart the very last of the jamocha almond fudge. Thus you, my dear wife—and not I—have done exactly that."

• Existential Fallacy: Are there any members in that category?—"Standing before you are all the people who have not bogarted the very last of the jamocha almond fudge. You are the only other suspect. Thus, j'accuse!"

• False Analogy: A misleading comparison—"Gandhi, a man similar to myself in many respects, wouldn't have bogarted the last of the jamocha almond fudge."

Wait! I know your finger's hovering over the checkout button, but don't preorder my new book, Brain Candy: Science, Paradoxes, Puzzles, Logic and Illogic to Nourish Your Neurons! I'm trying to punk publishing lists. Specifically, if you might've been planning on buying the book anyway, could I talk you into doing so just after noon EST on August 7? That way (the theory goes) sales will spike, the title will make lists, the sales snowball will continue, and eventually the world will be my oyster! (Insert evil laugh.)

Either that or the experiment will crash, burn, and make for a nice blog post.

Part 3 and Part 4 and Part 5.