A Humorous Poem Remembered


This poem delighted me as a child. 

I still enjoy it.

I hope you may enjoy it also.


Sir Smashem Uppe

Good afternoon, Sir Smashem Uppe,
We're having tea, do take a cup!
Sugar and milk? Now let me see,
Two lumps, I think?
Ah! dearie me!
The silly thing slipped off your knee!
Pray don't apologize, old chap;
A very trivial mishap!

So clumsy of you? How absurd!
My dear Sir Smashem, not a word!
Now do sit down and have another,
And tell us all about your brother,
You know, the one who broke his head,
Is the poor fellow still in bed?
A chair?  Allow me, sir!
Great Scott!
That was a nasty smash! Eh, what?

Oh, not at all: the chair was old,
Queen Anne, or so we have been told.
We've got at least a dozen more:
Just leave the pieces on the floor.

Come closer to the window, do,
I want you to admire the view
And see how beautiful ...
Tut, tut!
Did you not see that it was shut?
I hope you are not badly cut!

Not hurt? A fortunate escape!
Amazing! Not a single scrape!
And now, if you have finished tea,
I fancy you might like to see
A little thing or two I've got.
That china plate? Yes, worth a lot,
A beauty too ...
Ah, there it goes!
I trust it didn't hurt your toes?

Your elbow brushed it off the shelf?
Of course: I've done the same myself.
And now, my dear Sir Smashem ...
Oh!
You surely don't intend to go?
You must be off? Well, come again.
So glad you're fond of porcelain!

E.V. Rieu