This is a funny question to ask. Funny in that no one has ever asked this of me before, and yet a few moments of reflection reveal how utterly important such a question is.
The simple answer is that no, I am not living the life expected or wished for. As a child of the 50s and fan of “Dr. Kildare” and “Ben Casey”, I wanted desperately to be a surgeon. Before I was 10 years old, my plans were laid – I would work at a big hospital and save lots of lives regardless of ability to pay. I took the Hippocratic Oath to heart and believed in it completely. Although I retained the intention well into my 20s, an assault endured at 10 years of age effectively put an end to that idea.
However, my interests in science and medicine continue to this day. In grade school I submitted projects to science fairs and usually won. Science classes in junior high school were the only ones I thought worth attending or paying attention to. High school brought more complex and fascinating topics such as botany, zoology, chemistry, and physics. I did very well in all these classes except for physics, for although I had excelled in math previously, the staggering weight of hormones and the aforementioned assault evidently scrambled my abilities. How I would love to grasp the subtleties of calculus!
But we all have to play the cards we are dealt, and I think all-in-all I’ve done pretty well considering the circumstances. I’ve birthed and raised two wonderful daughters, my Dad is being cared for here at home, I’ve found a good husband that is growing along with me, and I’m finding illumination. My one real regret is the student loan conundrum. I doubt I’ll live long enough to pay them off.
Considering all of these issues, the long answer is “yes”, I am living a good and rewarding life. It’s not the one I would have chosen, but perhaps what I do have is more meaningful and lasting.
How about you?
Am I living the life I wanted?
Comments