I was at the park the other day throwing pinecones at my kids when a horrified mother asked, “How can you hit your kids with pinecones!” I said it was pretty easy: you just don’t lead them as much. First, this is important because my brain is almost completely incapable of accessing the proper pop-culture comeback (in this case, Full Metal Jacket) until the middle of the night after it was needed.
With a group of friends, classmates or co-workers, offer to auction a $20 bill. One more rule: both of the top two bidders must pay their final bid. Imagine that person A and person B are foolish enough to join your auction, with person A bidding $0.25 and person B overbidding to the tune of $0.30. Obviously this should escalate—who wouldn’t bid $7 to earn $20, especially if this could keep you from losing money you previously bid?
The term “computer” was first used by Sir Thomas Browne in 1646 AD, or 329 BB (Before Bill) according to the Gatesian calendar. Coincidentally (perhaps?), the year zero of the Gatesian calendar, or 1975 AD, corresponds to Daniel Hillis and Brian Silverman’s sophomore years at MIT. And it was during this year the two had the retro idea of constructing a non-electronic computer—specifically, one made of Tinkertoys. Four years later, after a somewhat disappointing version 1.0, the pair started work on what was to become the Great Tinkertoy Computer, which plays a mean game of tic-tac-toe and is now housed at the Mid-America Science Museum. Here’s how it works:
If you are a side-blotched lizard (Uta stansburiana), then you have an orange, a yellow or a blue throat (easily determined by looking in mirror). If your throat is orange, then you are a big, bad machine and will easily kick the ass of anyone with a blue throat and steal his lady lizards. Ah yeah.If your throat is blue, you are a wuss but not a complete wuss, and can still defend your women against the über-wussy yellow-throats.
It is every geek’s dream to join a think tank and thereby rule the world with nifty numbers and influential ideas—for no think tank is completely without agenda. John Goodman of the National Center for Policy Analysis (not to be confused with the Emmy-winning actor of the same name, most known for his role as the beer-swilling husband on the TV series Roseanne) even-handedly describes the difference in approach of first-rate liberal versus conservative think tanks, saying, for example, “The Brookings Institution is more likely to investigate unmet needs and ask what governmental programs could solve this problem. The NCPA is more likely to investigate how government policies are causing the problem in the first place and ask how the private sector can be utilized to solve it.”
Last night at two in the morning I woke to find someone had grafted a zombie arm to my left shoulder. I commanded it to move—no response. I jabbed it with my right hand—no response. I threw it against the wall—no response. Would this limb remain forever zombific? Medical literature is conflicted.The current guidelines for tourniquet use suggest a one-hour maximum for restricted blood flow to upper extremities and a two-hour maximum for lower extremities, but also admit that the onset and degree of tissue death (necrosis) varies according to patient age and physical condition. Past these thresholds, restricted blood flow can result in nerve damage. (The tingling you feel is your nerves’ way of expressing angst—a call to roll over before they get really pissed.)
Today, of all days, anything is possible. The laws of man and god are subverted by that of Murphy. This day is made doubly potent by its placement before the geek's darkest day of the year: Valentine's Day. And during this day on which anything that can go wrong will go wrong, it seems that even the cold truth of mathematics itself has failed. Specifically, two equals one. Damn. You shoulda been more consistent with the salt, garlic and Haitian door totems.
What do men want? Biology’s simple answer is that men want to survive to pass on their genes. But when you throw this goal into a complex society of competing men, discerning women and morality, biology gets confused.For better or for worse, behavioral economics has the answers.
Throughout history, scientists, philosophers, mathematicians and PhD students lacking funding for actual research have turned to the thought experiment in hopes of discovering something publishable, thereby retaining tenure and/or attracting the admiration of comely undergraduates. The best thought experiments throw light into dark corners of the universe and also provide other scientists, philosophers, mathematicians and destitute PhD students a way to kill time while waiting for the bus. Below is a classic thought experiment, pillaged from my book The Geeks' Guide to World Domination (Be Afraid, Beautiful People). I'll post a new thought experiment each day this week.
Throughout history, scientists, philosophers, mathematicians and PhD students lacking funding for actual research have turned to the thought experiment in hopes of discovering something publishable, thereby retaining tenure and/or attracting the admiration of comely undergraduates.
The best thought experiments throw light into dark corners of the universe and also provide other scientists, philosophers, mathematicians and destitute Phd students a way to kill time while waiting for the bus.
Below is a classic thought experiment, pillaged from my book The Geeks' Guide to World Domination (Be Afraid, Beautiful People). I'll post a new thought experiment each day this week.The Chinese Room
Throughout history, scientists, philosophers, mathematicians and Phd students lacking funding for actual research have turned to the thought experiment in hopes of discovering something publishable, thereby retaining tenure and/or attracting the admiration of comely undergraduates.
The best thought experiments throw light into dark corners of the universe and also provide other scientists, philosophers, mathematicians and destitute Phd students a way to kill time while waiting for the bus. Below is a classic thought experiment, pillaged from my book The Geeks' Guide to World Domination (Be Afraid, Beautiful People). I'll post a new thought experiment each day this week.Schrödinger’s Cat
Throughout history, scientists, philosophers, mathematicians and PhD students lacking funding for actual research have turned to the thought experiment in hopes of discovering something publishable, thereby retaining tenure and/or attracting the admiration of comely undergraduates. The best thought experiments throw light into dark corners of the universe and also provide other scientists, philosophers, mathematicians and destitute Phd students a way to kill time while waiting for the bus. Below is a classic thought experiment, pillaged from my book The Geeks' Guide to World Domination (Be Afraid, Beautiful People). I'll post a new thought experiment each day this week.Ship of Theseus
Throughout history, scientists, philosophers, mathematicians and Phd students lacking funding for actual research have turned to the thought experiment in hopes of discovering something publishable, thereby retaining tenure and/or attracting the admiration of comely undergraduates. The best thought experiments throw light into dark corners of the universe and also provide other scientists, philosophers, mathematicians and destitute Phd students a way to kill time while waiting for the bus.Below is a classic thought experiment, pillaged from my book The Geeks' Guide to World Domination (Be Afraid, Beautiful People). I'll post a new thought experiment each day this week.Maxwell’s Demon
