Baby's First Wierd-Book.


The First Stage of  Learning:

How baby loves bright coloured books!
But do not give him any!
Don't trust those sweet angelic looks,
or he'll eat far too many!

The book of rag is fairly safe
for baby has no fangs,
but baby loves to feed the dog,
(he thinks books are meringues),
or else he'll throw them from his cot,
so you can fetch them back.
The book he'll grab with glee, you see,
to him's a toy or snack.


The Second Stage Of Learning:

By two years old
he's good as gold
so give him toys, for play
but books, he'll use as building blocks
to trip you on your way.

To read them? Why!
He'll never try,
but kick them round a lot,
and bash them 'gainst the video,
and pop them in the slot!


The Third Stage Of Learning:

By now the little crawler
has learned to toddle round
and show to Auntie Paula
each private thing he's found,
and:  everything goes in his mouth,
he wants to know the taste
of  shoes, and booze, and Mum's hair-dos,
and soap and old fish-paste.

But does the little chappie
like books?  Of course he does!
He sticks them in his nappy
(which gives him such a buzz!)
He loves to tear the pages out,
but this, his horrid scheme:

to stuff them down the bathroom pan
and hear his mummy  scream!



The Fourth Stage Of Learning:

At last!   To sit and feed him words.
He knows what books are  for,
not flying round like leaden birds
or chucking on the floor.
He learns that words have meaning,
but fails to learn quite right
the meanings of "obstreperous"
and ''Be good, dear, don't fight."



The Fifth Stage Of Learning:

At last, a time when he, or she,
can understand the poetry
of   antidisestablishment,
and ask if flowers are heaven scent, and
why a door is not 'a jar', and
when a book's "Abridged Too Far", and - - -

Oh! There are too many ways
to demonstate this phunny phase
as children learn in every school
to drive their teachers up the wall!


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